I see these “purity pledges” from time to time as a Facebook troller – and I must say they pretty much creep me out. Let me be clear. I want my daughters to respect their bodies and to treat themselves with dignity and decency. But not because I want them to be “pure,” or I consider their entry into (theoretical) marriages as virgins of paramount importance, or I think that God will punish them, or I think that sex outside of marriage is immoral. Rather, I want them to love themselves enough to understand what a huge step having sex with someone is. I want them to be clear that sex is not just “fun” (although is certainly is that too), and that there are enormous consequences to having sex about which they should be thoroughly knowledgeable. And I need them to know that having sex will bring up all sorts of emotions that they will not be ready for – despite all the preparation in the world. I also want them to understand that sex and a significant relationship with another is only a piece of their lives, does not define their worth, and should not limit them in ways they do not choose willingly. In other words, I want them to make their decisions about whether or not to have sex to come from a place of knowledge and power, rather than fear and shame. And I want all of these same things for my son; I don’t see what is required of him any differently. So with that in mind, here is the pledge I want my children to take:

“I love my strong body and capable mind. I promise to always come to decisions about my body from a place of strength, and I will never let anyone manipulate me into doing that which I do not want. My body is my own, and no one else’s. I alone make decisions pertaining to its care and use. I will not abuse myself, nor will I consider my body as some kind of trophy or gift I “give” to another. My body is me. I will make choices that are empowering and that allow me to follow my chosen path. I understand that I must own my actions and decisions. I will be open to loving and caring for others, and if someone enters my life whose journey I want to share, I will give as well as take. I will make sacrifices and give of myself, but I will also expect to be treated equally. I am able to make decisions, and I deserve to be in full partnership should I choose to marry. I will face life with the dignity, resolve, and integrity befitting the irrepressible, capable, and valuable person I am. I promise to love my Self enough to take good care of my body, mind, and soul.”